I just re-read my September 23 entry, written one month after I arrived overseas. Today marks exactly one month until I return to Atlanta. Thinking about it makes me feel really conflicted, a bit sad, and somewhat nervous. I remember being more nervous about traveling on my own than I was studying abroad, and it seems really bizarre to be nervous about coming home.
When I think about it, though, my fears are substantiated. I have experienced (and have a month remaining of) an absolutely life-changing, invaluable, words-can't-do-it-justice time here. I have made so many incredible friends, become more confident and independent than I ever could imagine, and learned to trust and believe in myself. I have seen more of the world than I ever expected to in a lifetime, been exposed to an intoxicating mix of viewpoints and cultures, and seen how exciting and fulfilling life can be. I have learned a great deal about myself, gotten a glimpse of the future, and discovered who is trustworthy and truly important to me. I have matured, dealt with homesickness and heartbreak, and figured out how to make the most of bad situations.
My biggest fear is that I will lose all of this when I come home. Sure, I worry about missing London and being bored and uninspired in Atlanta. I worry that I won't make friends as easily as I did here. Most of all, though, I worry that all of this growing and experiencing may be lost when I return home. I will be moving to a new place when I return -- I have no idea where -- and will be in a semi-new environment. The environment here was completely new. Being in a familiar environment, but one where things and people have changed, seems unsettling.
Maybe I'm worrying about nothing. I do know that I need to focus on the here and now and make the most of my dwindling days. I've still got a sizeable list of things I want to do in London and have two major trips left before I leave. Know that I'm not complaining -- I have nothing in the world to complain about. I simply want this trip to have truly affected me for the better.
Decemberists tonight with Alex. Hooray.
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"Each time I go to a place I have not seen before, I hope it will be as different as possible from the places I already know. I assume it is natural for a traveler to seek diversity, and that it is the human element which makes him most aware of difference. If people and their manner of living were alike everywhere, there would not be much point in moving from one place to another."
-- Paul Bowles
"Each time I go to a place I have not seen before, I hope it will be as different as possible from the places I already know. I assume it is natural for a traveler to seek diversity, and that it is the human element which makes him most aware of difference. If people and their manner of living were alike everywhere, there would not be much point in moving from one place to another."
-- Paul Bowles
1 comment:
Come to New York!
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